The last one… 2/23

Bye –bye. This morning we are out the door. The car is packed and we are headed to the dog motel to drop off the mutt for two plus weeks - then are headed south. This blog site will be unattended down and out for two weeks.

I’d take along our laptop and down load daily blogs along the way but that would be a lot of extra work and besides we don’t own one. I can’t even get our desktop to work properly, what’s a laptop anyway? Something to dance on? So, I will be absence from this post and you will just have to make do reading the morning paper or suffering through the morning TV talks shows.

I have a bag full of novels and a blank journal that I intend to open once or twice noting red neck material as we roll along. All will not be lost in our absence for I programmed our VCR to record DR. PHIL and DR. RUTH…but not JUDGE Judy? No, she’s too pushy.

Any way I bid you farewell till mid March.

Today’s thought,
" If your credit card company screws up your account – the only way out is to move to Minsk, Belarus change your name to Tomas Brownski and take a job working for rubbles in an institution of low learning."

A parting shot, " Today, if you are not confused,
you’re not thinking clearly."

Packing… 2/21

We are going to be on a road trip for 3 months. We’ll be traveling through different time zones, different climates and possibly different seasons and ending up on the planet Pluto at Disney World. The question is what to pack? Or what not to pack.

We have friends who have toured known universe all within 9 months. There wasn’t a planet they missed nor an antique shop. On their way between Mars and Saturn they paid us a visit. They happened to show us their travel bags. I couldn’t believe you could survive in the jungle out there with what they had, a backpack and one medium size suite case. I t’s impossible. But these two have it down to a science. Everything is drip-dry and only one of a kind. Their key word in mobility. And a credit card on the fly.
Their motto is… "If you can’t carry it, it’s history."

SO this week the two of us are packing for life on the road as well. I don’t own one thing that’s drip dry and all the stuff we own is bulk stuffed Thermoloft for life here at the north pole. Like our friends we planned on traveling lite! Then there is the reality of life, you know the ‘the what if’s. So, out came the streamer trucks and I may have to rent a U-Haul for all the needed stuff for a very brief vacation along the Gulf.

Today’s thought, "When all women become completely liberated
who will clean out the closets?"

AAA a member at heart 2/20

My grandfather was a member of the AAA. No he didn’t have a problem with the bottle only finding his way out of Illinois. He’d spend a Zillion dollars a year be a member and the American Automobile Association which would send him a guide to the area of the country into which he was headed. These were individually constructed road maps… with a red line you were to follow ...just follow the Red Brick Road and you’re in OZ.

Non of this preplanning rubbed off on my father. He yell out "Time to go" and we all piled into to the old Buick and bombed down the road sometimes getting to the place intended. This was the open road of the 50’s and 60’s , less traffic and many a less worry. Plus, the gas tanks were much larger then.

Today we have it make… no more AAA Tripticks. For now we have ‘talking dash boards’ and computer assistance telling us that we have just made another wrong turn. Putting the real dagger into the AAA are GPS navigation systems. It’s right there on top of your dash. Just follow the RED line – a right turn here a left there and over the river and through the woods to grandmother’s house we go.

I mean the things are dumbie proof even my dad couldn’t get lost. They even tell you where to spend the night and the distance to the nearest gas station. But I sure do miss being my grandfather’s navigator, sitting in the front sit and turning the page of his Triptick as we headed up old highway 51.

Today’s gem, " You can’t rise above your achievements
nor fall lower than your failures –
but you always can make a wrong turn on the interstate."

Admit it, you are not perfect either 2/19

I’ve have been dealing with a problem for years. It takes brass to come out with the fact that you are not quite like the masses, the millions of other folks who simple hummm along with life the way it is.

It is a little tough being "different". Some people hide under many layers. They feel others look at them as though they have two heads or three feet. Not me I know I have three heads. I know of a case wherein the fellow has two right feet and two left hands or was it the other way around. Poor guy dropped his car keys and kept turning in the wrong direction to find them. Try going shopping for shoes and gloves in this condition. You buy two of everything and then what do you do with the extra righties or lefties.

Being different has many a negative and only a few pluses. I had a boss once that repeated himself each time spoke. It was very hard to miss what he meant. It took a time to get use to him. People that didn’t know him thought that he was an odd duck because of this " flaw". I was one of them till I find out why… he had fought in World War II and a German shell exploded on a ridge that he was defending. The medics did a job putting him back together. But somehow they missed something for there was a short circuit in his speech pattern only made up by a quick brilliant wit.

First impressions should be outlawed for in his case he had gone through hell for others and those others many times judged him at first glance. You’ve done it; I’ve done it. Just like this blog site.

So here’s my shocking truth, I have a reading disorder that carries into my writing thus spelling, Use spell check you say? GO fly a kite I say for even when things look correct to me they are backwards to you.

What’s it like? Go take a book, then stand on your head in the corner. Now open the book while upside down then turn it right side up and start reading from the end of the book forward.
It’s all Greek. This is my minor handicap that I live with. But my hat is off and heart goes out to those that live daily with major handicaps and one special person in San Francisco – love you doll.

Today’s thought, "It is not best that we all should think alike,
it is difference of opinion that makes horse races."

Gentleman, start your credit cards. 2/16

Time for another racing season. All eyes are focused on Daytona, Florida. The good olde boys are all gathered together for the big show. New cars, new sugar plum daddies (corp. advertisers) even Toyota is trying it’s hand at keeping up with Detroit’s wizz kids. The organization is called NASCAR. It’s really got it’s act together and many think that it should be running things in Iraq for the thing would be over in a week or after 250 laps.

The races are truly America’s sport. Why? It’s all business and it’s all controlled. Step out of line and you are shot. Type expanding on their rules and you are shot. No court of appeals just step on the gallows.

As to the race itself… it all start when some dolly finishes the anthem, half the air force flies over and the good Reverend Feelgood proclaims "It ain’t no sin to goa racin' on the Sabbath, amen". Then Gommer Pile grabs the mike and says, "Gentlemen start you money machines." The word gentlemen’s are used loosely. It’s also a fact that ladies are forbidden to race in America, only with grocery carts.

The cars themselves have more sponcer decals that I have hairs you know where. Every consumable product produced in this county and on the moon are plasted on all the cars. Then if you are not a NASCAR sponcer forking over $550 zillion, your product isn’t sold at any of their tracks and is taken off all Winn-Dixie stores. Plus, your sale contract with Wal-Mart is history as well, it’s the good olde boy connection.

As to the race… it’s fixed just like games in the NBA, you can make book in it. Vegas has and they have a line on it all plus Vegas is one of NASCAR "better" PIT stops. All is fair in love and auto racing. However all must bow down to France, the family that is. My money is on the M&M car, love that chocolate.

Today's thought, "If you play with something to hard,
it will break...including toys, cars, and people."

Who’s on first and who owns what? 2/15

Go test drive a Saturn, which is owned by GM. But GM is half way down the road to bankruptcy. Yet, they own a small part of the former Datsun which is now Nissan who are doing very well due to efforts of General Douglas Mac Arthur after A-Bombing their plants and Mitsubishi which were making Jap Zero’s which blew the hell of the US Navy in Hawaii.

Of course there is Chysler which the US government helped bailed out of debit and was purchased 40 cent on the dollar by Daimler a German company. The US government under the Marshall plan helped rebuilt all their factories after World War Two. Now they want to sale us Chysler back at $2.50 on the dollar.

Then there is Ford Motor Company which purchased a Swedish and English car manufacturer. Their only problem was that they could not get the own stuff together and jumped in bed with Mazda only to mess things up with the Mazda people.

Whose left? Toyota, Honda, Subaru - all of which have built assembly plants in our Southland. The south shall rise again. Then thrown in our petro problems into the mix all of which leads us to one question with a known answer… Who is the biggest chump in the "world" economy?

Sure there are other off auto brands, Rolls, Bentleys and Beamers but let’s talk reality and after all a car is only the means of getting from point a to b.

Oh, you want to talk style? I get it at the barbershop and our Resale Clothing store. Not that I am a homer but I know who owns my clothing store and the barbershop. Shop American for a car? There is no way you can't!

Yesterday, I was out spring cleaning our trail by-cycles and looked at the name plate, "Trek" The bikes are good old Wisconsin products, right? Wrong, the frame was made in China, the shifters in Japan, and the seats in Mexico. I guess you should know what you park your rear end – products from Europe, South America, or Asia. AS for my rear end it’s stamped "made in the USA."

Sticker Shock… 2/14

I finally called the LP gas company and asked to have our tank topped off, it’s been a little cold of late. As we are headed out of town in several weeks I didn’t want the house/furnace to run out gas, bad things happen. I even called the furnace guy to do a quick system check. After looking at it he came out of the basement and asked how old was the unit… I told him that was about half as old as I am.
" That old ?" he said, "You’d better think of a replacement."

The last time that we left the place in the winter the furnace went bonkers. When we returned several weeks later all of our pipes and plumbing fixtures were frozen solid, even the aquarium was hard as a brick. Upon the melt down our daughter’s little fish didn’t look too healthy. We had to replace everything but the fish.

This morning the gas guy shows fills the tank and leaves the bill in the door. It was pure sticker shock. Yes, we also burn wood somewhat but crying loud, woooo.

It was a buck 280 per gallon or whatever. Our place is like an old church, not too spiritual just plenty drafty. I’d do something to this old place but it would cost much more than the gas. So I am sitting here with wool socks on, long johns and ski jacket thinking of the beach that we’ll be parked on in two weeks. Trouble is I just saw the US weather map and it was 30 degrees in Gulf Shores… they shoot horses don’t they?

Speaking of a complete plumbing system repalcements… today’s thought,
"Insurance policies never cover what is actually happening."

Trade secrets. 2/13
So the US is now exporting high stake gambling. China is the importer for a change. Just think of all slots going into Wynn’s and the Sands’ on the new strip in Macau China. However, I’d bet that on the back of the Slots there is a plate stating "MADE IN CHINA".

Think about it! There is no way that this is a Wynn Wynn situation. no way just like gambling itself. Sure the signage of the casinos and hotels read like a few members New York Stock exchange but in the back rooms the pie is being half and quartered. Just where is the take going? Now then back to trade…

The only true hope in a balance of trade is to get the Russians into the Chinese panes.
It’s like dealing with the oil countries of the middle east., palms are greased and it’s the standard operating procedure, pay the piper or your out of the game. We had laws against unfair trade practices but then is looking? And who actually care cares for all is fair in love and other things as long as we can deal cheap stuff at Wal-Mart.

We the US have only one advantage, it’s brainpower and that’s fading. However, if there is a short cut or a labor saving in any business activity our creative genius within the American motto of ‘Screw You’ will find a way.

So by upping the minimum wage by two bucks our big Mac’s will now cost us $5.00. That should help the economy. I think I’ll switch back to tea and crackers and not say yes if I’d like extra cheese on my Whopper.

Another trade secret is the blog site. Come on people please spread the word… after a year if I've only gotten 3,400 hits something is amiss? This has got to increase of I am out the door. So on your next e-mials to buddies or buddettes please pass along www.littlebigdeal.blog spot.com

Today's thought, "If you find a loophole,
it was designed for people who make a whole lot more money than you and I."

-20 and kicking butt? 2/12
There just has to be a relationship between global warming and 2 weeks of bun busting cold weather. Having been a passenger on the good ship Earth for 60 plus years, but who’s counting, I’ve come to a conclusion…. Newton was right. Ralph Newton; he was the neighborhood bully who proved that there is a relationship between ‘cause and effect’.

After school each day he’d pick out a target and then go beat the crap out of a kid. This got to be pretty trying especially if you were his target on multiple days or were very slow afoot. This also got several of us thinking…a very dangerous thing. So we applied what our teacher had told us about World War II. Here a couple of bullies were pickin’ on some small guys France and England and China, beating the crap out of them. Our teacher told us about told strength in numbers about the Allied Nations.

So a bunch of us grouped together to confront this a-hole. I had happened to bring along a small 2x4 in my coat. The confrontation got a little ugly for Ralph Newton was a giant but then my 2x4 went into action. The lesson here could be applied to our weather problems.

First is to realize the crap is being beaten out of you, second is that there is strength in numbers and third is to make sure you have a 2x4 along. Yes we have a problem, the only way to fix it is for all nations be players and third is to use a 2x4 which is a thing called trade - shape up, work together or you are cut off, sounds like my wife.

This includes us, we bite the bullet, no big deal, so things cost a little more at least we’ll be around to complain about the weather and the bullies down the block.
Cut off is what my mother told me about my allowance after nailing the Ralph on the head with the 2x4, of course most mom’s never had to deal with bullies just prom formals.

Today’s thought, "Power tends to corrupt
and absolute power corrupts absolutely, use a bigger 2x4"

Indoor golf 2/8
I know some of you think outdoor golf is a waste of time, but indoor golf ?
I know the thought... "You got to be pretty hard up to waste part of a winter weekend trying to hit golf balls indoors." True , but what else is there when it’s –20? It’s not like you can go out and work in the garden.

I know of a guy who purchased an airline ticket to the coast departing in the am and returned in the pm just to have something to do. He called post football season - withdraw. But indoor golf is better than sitting around the house screaming at the wife and kicking the dog.

The only problem was that for a friendly game I had to drive to the it's nearest location, Chicago, . This type of golf isn’t just a driving range, no, no… it’s a booth with a computer projector which allows you to play the "big" courses. Pebble or the Islands, you name it, it’s available for $45 buck per hour per player. Stiff? a little but they also have bell hops on roller skates bring you Morgan’s and Coke.

After the 4th hole and the 4th Morgan I was on fire! I happened to sit on my buddie’s cigar. But that’s golf, a fine adventure indoors. No, I didn’t hit into anyone or have to yell "Four".
It was right down the middle almost.
Thanks to Joanna for Today’s thought, " I lost four balls, found three, I’am one under."

CD’s and DVD’s 2/7

The numbers of these round things are mounting and there are two primary questions the world at large must answer. First is how in the blue blazes can anyone keep track of where anything is. Sure there is a difference in the cases of CD’s and DVD’s. This somewhat helps. Yet, once they are out of their cases they seem to intermingle. Second is that they also seem to multiply, hey are as bad as rabbits.

Some one who has half a brain is going to invent a system or a mechanical thing that will keep track of things. Want to make a million? Make that a billion (inflation)… just be the one that comes up with a CD arranger.

I offered my kids the same thing years back, a real money maker that would solve our gasoline crunch. It was powering a car by burning water in the engine. A real simple deal you’d think. Now once again the car guys are hot and heavy trying to burn hydrogen/oxygen. It’s amazing what $3.00 a gallon gas can trigger.

They’ve got their hands on the gas problem so why not figure out what WE need next. How about a self cleaning house? The gals would love it leaving them move time to work out at the fitness center. Then for the guys self cleaning cars. Go ahead and laugh, it was the same thing with putting beer in a can, impossible they said. As for me I am looking at self -shoveling sidewalks.

Today's thought, "Let us be thankful for fools,
But for them the rest of us could not suceed." - Twain

A few things that don’t make sense… 2/6


Balanced budgets… there aren’t any.
A quarter horse… what happen to the other 3/4s?
Instant tea… it take 5 minutes to make
Drip Dry… that’s what come out of my coffee pot.
Close cover before striking… but the last match is gone.
Credit card… they should be called indebted cards
Southpaws… why aren’t right hander called northpaws?
Easy-Opening… that left town when I turn fifty.
Free lunch… only after you’ve paid your dues.
Four of a kind… it’s what the guy next to you always draws.
Self-leveling… nothing is in this cock-eyed world.
Short stories… always take a week to finish.
Aquariums … for some reason always turn green.
Bowling balls… the holes are always in the wrong spot and are too small.
Golf balls… are always in the wrong spot, the woods.
Soup of the day… tastes better two days old.
It’s on the house… after you’ve bought three rounds.
One sock… where did the other one go.
The winner… it’s always the other team, why not cheer for it in the first place.
Snake eyes… it’s how my dog looks at me wanting out in the am.
Self indulgence… now we’re talking, pass the cookie jar, please.


Today’s question…. Where are the car keys?
I repeat…where are the car keys?
The bigger question is where is the car parked?

Book review #1 "Thunderbolt Kid" 2/6

I gave up reading in high school or I should say it gave me up. Then in college I got over this disorder and even applied for a library card. Reading now fills a void between breakfast and lunch. The afternoons are filled with physical conditioning (walking the dog) and skate boarding.

For Christmas Rosebud received a book authored by a fellow Des Moines native. After the Christmas mayhem, she started reading it at bedtime. It wasn’t long till a heard giggling from her and it wasn’t from my cold feet. " You’ve got to read this." she told me…sure I thought, it’s got to be sappy.

But, I had read two of his previous books and they were enjoyable.
Yesterday I started in on it and I to started giggling.

All I can say is that….
If your are from the midwest – read this book.
If you have any humor in you – read this book.
If you were born in late 1900’s – read this book.
If you were born in Iowa – read this book.
If you ever stepped into Iowa or had to fly over it – read this book.
If you live in the dark side of the moon – read this book.

Bill Bryson starts each chapter with a newspaper clipping… i.e.

SPRINGFIELD, ILL. ( ap ) –
The Illinois State Senate yesterday disbanded the
Committee on Efficiency and Economy
for reasons of efficiency and economy."
Des Moines Tribune, Feb. 6th, 1955

Two pinkies up for "The life and Times of the THUNDERBOLT KID" by Bill Bryson.

today's thought ,
"A great deal of what we see
depends on what we are looking for."

Bear Hide 2/6
What’s left of the Bears are now hanging on the shed, they were gutted. I sat and watched the game with two die hards… and they did. I drove home this am and had a Chicago sports talk radio show and all they could do was to stick forks in the Chicago players and the coaching staff.

I thought the game was a good measure of just how far the Chicago team has come… and they have a way to go. All the call-in Chicago fans were on their quarterback’s case. How much we forgotten in a matter of hours.

Before the game many people were talking about how the other team, the Colts and their quarterback could not win the big one…. Payton was like Dan Marino who never won a super bowl and it took John Elway 14 years to finally win one so here poor Rex Grossman tripping over his jock in his first one and the city of Chicago is ready to tar and feather him….
Gad I love the place! Go Bears but they still suck!


Remember, "the only empty parking spaces are always on the other side of the street."

It’s big, really big… 2/2

I’ll be out of the country the next four days, just like congress I’ll be on a junket to a foreign country, Illinois, bear hunting. Bear hunting is like deer hunting you' re looking for the biggest spread, a raBoon and Crockett thing.

It’s getting close to the big game wherein America’s leading corporations spend million $ on creating adds that will leave some type of impression. Then the client spend billions $ buying time within the big game betting on the come. In marketing 101 I was taught that job number one was to sale a product or a service.

As Mr. Brown would say in his youth.."product turn, get it off the shelf." Now the ad agencies have whitewashed the clients into "to hell with product, it’s an image we are after." They’ve even taken it a step further so that by the end of the multi million TV ad we have no clue who they are.

I can’t say that I remember one commercial from past Super Bowls. I take that back. I remember Janet Jackson had a planned ops, it wasn’t a commercial however, she did have a new CD hot off the presses. And what else was she selling? Flesh or arm pit deodorant? Here we go again... it’s time for big commercials and you can’t get any bigger that some Clyde Dale horses playing football with a zebra ref.

It 3rd and 3 on the Indy 26 yard line, Chicago’s drive is now interrupted with "and now a word from Jell-O." There was a time when the game counted. But now it an hour and half of the best of Prince, the artist previously known as James Brown, and his all male review half time show.

I’ll leave you with today’s thought ,
" Systems run better when designed to run down hill. "
Just ask JJ or Chris.

What’s the spread? 2/2

I keep hearing it. What is a spread? It could be a cheese dip, or a salada. Then every time we go to someone’s open house Rosebud whips up a spread and give it to the hostess but I know that’s not what people are talking about especially on big game days? So what is a spread? I heard of spread eagles, they do them in the X-games as kids fly off ski ramps.
I even think I did one off a water ski jump… but a spread?

I recall walking through a Vegas Casino and some guys were talking about beating it. Peanut butter is a thing that’s beaten into a spread. But not everyone would be talking about peanut butter theses days. Then there is the thing Rosebud accuses me of and that’s hogging the bed spread at night.

This AM I had Sports Center on TV and two clowns were discussing the game spread.
Now were talking I thought. The point difference in a football game has got to be what’s hot right now. The Colts by 5? Whose kidding who? We are talking the Bears here.

But no matter how you spin the thing it’s still only a football game or is it? So that’s the spread and I didn’t even get to the thing called another name, the line, what ever that is.

Today's thought,
" In war, victory goes to those armies whose
leaders uniforms are the least impressive."