One big one…

It’s what drove the economy here in the northwoods for decades. It was the chase going after the big one, the record breaker. You’d drive north then book a place at one of our fine run down resorts. Bright and early the next day you and your party would head over to the tackle shop and purchase an out of state fishing license (big bucks). While there you’d blow a wade on all the latest fishing lures. To hell with the costs, we’re talking lunkers here.

Then it was a fast trip over to Wheeler’s Café where George would fry you up a fast breakfast of a bowl of grease and burnt toast. Leaving the place with a rumbling stomach you knew you should have had oat meal and hoped you'd make it through the day. Your party then would drive down Highway 51 parking at Bosacki’s Boathouse and looking out onto the lake through the early morning light you could see the ground fog slightly lifting. There’s a chill in the air as well as the sound of an old marine gray engine of you guide’s boat chugging along to meet you.

It’s the opener and you were fortunate to have booked old Ray Kennedy, the man’s a legend in this part of the state. Ray’s has landed more whoppers than any man that’s had a rod in hand. He and his dad, Jim, Kennedy set the pace fishing on the Minocqua chain and made fishing with then an adventure, never mind the catch.

“Hop in you guys, for we can’t catch anything without our lines in the water.”
This was the first thing out of his month and that day and for years to come Ray and I would share many more days fishing and sharing good old fashioned b.s.
Ray is gone now and so is our “fishing/resort” industry. There are jet skis, drag boats and crazies that tear up the waters. Yet another fishing season is approaching and I’ll go out due to force of habit and I’ll be thinking of a guy that taught me more about life than my college text books...looking for that big one.

Burn baby, burn… 4/25
What to do with the leaves from last fall, burn them. All the materials from the remodeling – burn them. All the tree tops from last winter’s logging – burn them. But first, let’s be legal. This requires a burning permit form our area fire warden, Fred Whitman. But he’s in Florida sunning his bulk in a sandy beach.

Just the same I’d better get one anyway so it was off the town. I went on to get a permit and after giving them all the info I got a new annual permit. New because it’s good for the whole year. To do any burning you follow the DNR simple instructions and call an 800# letting them who and where you are so that they can fine you anyway. However, you should first have your attorney make the call for nothing is as simple as it seems.

Yesterday I tried making the call and surprise, surprise, I got a recorded message. Which was more confessing than their burning instructions. This is call progress. At least it keep all the rodents in Madison thinking of new ways to kill time and write in additional job security. As for my brush piles, they can wait I don’t want to add to global cooling.

A simple game. 4/24

Yesterday was the first golf round of the year. It had me a little nervous. Now with a metal knee and no confidence I teed up the ball on the first hole. I told myself, “Self let it rip!" So with a slow bark swing I came down on the ball with my old trusty Cobra driver.

I had pictured this all winter as I pounded away on the treadmill trying to build some strength in my left leg. Down came the club onto the ball.

I had even time to work on my right shoulder during the gray days of Jan/Feb. The thing is as bad as my knee use to be, a pain in the buttski. Whack, the impact of the ball on the club face. Everyone knows that I’m the furthest thing from Mr. Woods and that everyone on the right side of the fairway or rough is in immediate danger and fair game even a fairway over.

It’s called muscle training and that’s what all the rehabbing was about during the winter. I even have an offset driver, one of the many things I've done to end my slicing. It’s a secret that us slicers use to try and keep our ball in play. Yesterday, I had taken my ‘normal’ stance and was set up to have a slice (the ball fading to the right- way right).

Holy smokes, the ball flew straight down the fairway then it started going the other way hooking to the right. Never in my life have I never hooked a ball, hitting it left. Then I noticed that most of my weight was on my left forward leg – something that I could have done before.

So look out golf world for we now have a hooker and a slicer in one body - everywhere in now a hard hat area and no one is safe.

Ooooouch!
Sometimes things are a pain. Last night I watched a movie. It was about a meteorite that slammed into the planet Earth, a lovely heavenly body on which we all run around with our heads cut off. Anyway Bruce Willis is once again asked to save the world. And once again he gets it in the end, right up the old wha-zoo.

Then last night while in laa-laa land I had one of these Earth ending dreams as well. This time a big old alligator the size of the Empire State building was having dinner on every human being in slight. Needless to say he starts in Canada and works his way south right through the state of Wisconsin. Never mind the chasing of deer, bear or badgers, only humans were in his menu.

Right when he was putting salt and pepper on my rear end ready for lunch I happen to roll over hitting my noggin on the night stand. I then got up early letting the dog out looking both ways. You never can when a scalely five-legged creature could come around the corner and “take a Bite”. I’ve heard of Hodags, and Gorego’s but a 900’ crawling jaw?

Throw a few bucks…

Got a problem? Then get your wallet out.
As a kid if you were a nickel short you’d try and lose a tooth and the Good Fairy, bless her heart, would put a quarter under your pillow.

Then later came softer bribes. If you got a A on the report cart it was worth a buck, a B was worth 50 cents. C’s were nothing to write home about only in my case. For D’s and below you were sent to your room. I sent a lot of time in my room. I wound up owning my parents.

Later in life these simple lessons were applied in a variety of ways, Smash month bribes.
“ Sir. I know I’m late and from your packed parking lot I can see you are real busy. Oh here’s a C-note and could I have that table down front?” (this was the re-grand opening of Whitman’s)

The concept of cash in hand and the wheel with grease moves faster always was a little hard to me to grasp. As an Iowa kid you did your chores and got a bright shinny dine. You then would blow half of it on bazooka bubble gun and put the other half in the piggy bank. Investing in pie in the sky was never a thought or heavy tipping to people who later could get you to the front of the line seemed out of question.

That is till I heard about a limited partnership in oil drilling in Uzbekistan. This can’t miss deal pushed on me by a former H.F. Hutton sales guy would quadruple our cash investment in the first 12 months alone. This can’t miss-deal missed.
As the saying goes, older but unwiser? There no fool like an old geezer but what the hay, it’s only cash which is like money, Yogi.

Things in your pocket 4/18

Ok, let’s clean it up... we’re talking about things, things that just happen to show up at the end of the day. For ladies it’s the things in the bottom of the hand bags, things that just happen to show up that you put in a jar or case on top of your dresser . Then once or twice a year you look at the mass and wonder in amazement…where did all the stuff come from?

I have a brother that has a huge coin jar and nightly he unloads his loose change into than once or twice a year he cashes it in (not literally) and goes on a toot.
I myself have three objects that some how show up my dresser top at days day and they are like rabbits, they multiply. They are nails, measuring tapes and keys. Why these unlike items? That’s the same question Rosebud asks me and I haven’t a clue.

Well, on the measuring tape I do, I just can’t stop picking one up at Menards when I go tire kicking there. You never know when some guy is going to ask, “How far is it to the nearest saloon?" or when out golfing “Whose furthest away?” or “Can you please tell me the time of day?”… Sure it’s 2 feet 8 inches.

Our friendly feathered friends

Honk, honk, who dat?
Honk, honk must be the Fed Ex man with an early morning package. The honking kept up and it wasn’t coming from the back of the cabin where the driveway is but the front lakeside, honk, honk.

This called for an early morning inspection for it could be one of the lit’ cousin coming home from an late night out on the town…maybe it was one of those Aquacars. Honk honk.

Last year I had an early morning encounter with a big fur ball as a black bear was dining on our bird feeder. So cautiously out the lake side door I walk with our Springer under foot. She has a nose for chasing off wild life even black bears thinks she's a pain in the rear, so do I but she needed her early morning walk…so down to the lake. Honk, honk.

And there they were once again two Canadian geese who had parked themselves on our little grassy point staking claim to the place. The two were looking for a summer nesting place to rise a covey’ of twenty goose’ings. Now I’m a wild life guy except when you step into it! With geese you have plenty of stuff to step into. Rosebud and I now have two little goosings ourselves who will now doubt be playing on the sandy point on their summer visits plus we have friends with grandkids who do the same. Honk, honk.



It took our Springer about 20 seconds to get bored chasing the geese back into the lake. I mean there is a vast undeveloped shore line on the other side of the lake where the two could park…why does it have to be our front yard? And why is our bird dog more interested in chasing rocks and tennis balls than doing her God intended duty?

So now I guard the shoreline keep it safe from invading foreigners – Canadians, no offence Chris Mac.

This blog is for Freedie who thinks
I need to post each day ar sun rise.

Who is that guy (person) that said….

A.) Look, we take a hammer and knock the stuffing out of it.
B.) Look, the world is flat period. Let’s not discuss this thing any further.
C.) Look, money does to make a person happy.
D.) Look, while they aren’t looking we just take over.
E.) Look, we put stuff in the bottle and get them hooked.
F.) Look, business is down so we invent another holiday.
G.) Look, like I can’t help it, I was born on Dec 25th.
H.) Look, if I was going any slower I would have held up traffic.
I.) Look, if God had wanted man to fly he would have given out lifetime passes on United Airlines.
J.) Look, what’s a few billion buck missing?
K.) Look, so what if it will kills you, we’ll put is in a box and sale a ton of them.
L.) Look it’s simple to follow my theory of relativity.

The Answers:
a. My brother Howard the hammer, ace auto mechanic.
b. Mrs. Chris Columbus
c. Howard Hughes, one sorry s.o.b. dead and forgotten
d. Germany, Japan and Al Capone
e. Captain Morgan & the CEO of Coke Cola
f. The Easter Bunny
g. All other people other than you know who.
h. My daughter’s alibi for her speeding ticket.
i. The chairman of Amtrak
j. The president and board members of Enron
k. Betty Cocker and her fudge cake bars.
l. Einstein talking about his in laws eating to many of his beagles.

The nail on the head
and I mean head.

All the hard work, all the preplanning and I’ve got to say things are shaping up. Its causing a buzz in town. Apparently this is remodeling month for our favorite watering hole is also in for a face lift. They closed the place to do some rehab’ing taking from my example.
Whitman’s has needed it for the past half century. The real kicker was several months ago when one of their walls starting moving north without the help of an earthquake while the other building parts headed south.
This caused the ceiling to have the Mother of sags which allowed the townies to start a new betting pool, the date of total collapse

Finally the Whitman’s decided that “improvements” were required, that is before the state condemned the building. So a few of the boys started working on the place, a 5 man crew, about the same time I started remodeling our bath room… now the town betting is which “project” will be finished first.

I’d bet on myself but I’m waiting on a plumber to do a main connection….this could be a real horse race and going down to the wire. However, I have a card up my sleeve,. I hired a guy, a real pro, on the side that they don’t know about. I’ll qt this thing and I’ll put a bundle down on myself.

Mr. Fix It. 4/12

A jack of all trades, master of none... just try and get the job done on time and under estimate. All the local trades guys belly ache about the lack of business but they don't even return calls. Either it's deer season or they are on spring break in Florida. So it's up to me. My last hammer/saw job was to our living room. It looks like something out of the Adams family.

There was an old set of windows that set in a nock that over hung the foundation. It’s a picture perfect spot overlooking the lake. It's a very inviting place to curl up with a book and pass some time watching the world outside, nature stuff again.

The only problem was that if you sat there in the winter months longer than 5 minutes you tended to get frost bite. Did I mention that our place was built in 1900 by left-handed carpenters and before the advent of level and squares?

So Mr. Fix it went to work and even special ordered a picture window the proper size of the large opening. It took four of us to man handle the thing into position and another 3 days of finishing work. Now the nock is tight as a drum and a joy to be in.

Only one problem, non of us including the foreman noticed that we had the window installed upside down. Yes, another outstanding job finished by Mr. Fit whois now at it again. I happen to be for hire and the rates are unbelievable and I am not telling which way.

Today’s thought, “When you come to the end of the road, always take a left. The right way is boring.” F. Hunt

Miss Ruth’s Rainbow 4/11

Yesterday’s blog was about OZ, but today’s is about a rainbow which are very hard to see when the days high is 25 degrees. Then again in your battle with daily chores if your don’t take the time to look you’ll never see what’s under your nose. That could be frost on your moustache. Here’s the point, it’s the art of looking that counts.

This was drilled into me as a lad. One day I was over at a friends house waiting for him to show up we were headed out for an early supper. His mom, Miss Ruth, was out walking so I joined her. She was in their backyard which was a bog. She was a wonderful person who saw things though a different set of lenses.

I had never really thought about my friend’s backyard swamp, only that it was a nasty place filled with Wisconsin’s state bird, the mosquito. So for the next 20 minutes Miss Ruth pointed out small wonders that in the past I’d stepped on without thought. There were mini- toads, frogs and plants that dinned in our state birds. Mmm - Yum! Another words there is a whole other world out there to see if we’d only we took time to look.

I did that last week. Ripping off wallboard in our old place, remodeling, I found a nest of baby mice. Not that I or Rosebud like mice especially in the house but ain’t nature grand? They were for 5 seconds till it sank in what they were. Where did the mice go? They are in God’s greater kingdom I hope. We are still 3 months away from rainbow season and counting.

Today’s thought, "If you are sure that you understand
everything that is going on, you are hopeless confused."

Dreamland 4/10

We all have them but…. this one stopped the train, it even awakened me. I was out waking on the lake…(still frozen) when in seconds it started melting, a rather very rapid spring thaw. I spent hours (maybe seconds) trying to run to shore, then swam in the rather cool water. Right as my goal, the shoreline, was at hand our dog barked letting me know in my foggy mind that it was time for her out for her early am outing.

I, like you have these mini plots that run through the mind during dawn’s early light.
Many are as useless as last week’s leftovers forgotten in the back of the refreg. Yet, every so often a dream hits home, one that could change the course of history or cure the common cold.

As you wake the gem is there a bright shinning light then poof the light bulb burns out. Your one moment to capture that brilliant idea becomes lost to veil that closes out creative thought – it’s called daily life.
To those few that can over come the pain in the rear of daily life like letting the washing of dishes get in the way of chasing dreams – I rise me glass – but then we’d have to wash it.

Today’s thought, "Reality is knowing what’s real,
‘Now Dorothy, don’t look behind that curtain. Oz might disappear.’

Pack your bags and just go!

So it’s the dog days of winter but winter was suppose to ended
March 22nd.

Then why is it gray and snowing out the window.

Why are the ducks out on the lake freezing the beaks off?

Why did the town take the snowplows off their trucks early this year, a bad omen.
Why don’t we all just forget about Punxsutawney Phil.

I mean the fur ball never ever gets it right..

Why aren’t there any direct flights from Rhinelander
International Airport to Cancun?

Why does Rosebud insist on her Tuesday volunteering at the Thrift Shop?

And why does our dog look like death warmed over when we drop her off at the Kennel when we leave town? This one thing keeps us from being foot lose and fancy free.
The simple act of cutting and running…is out the window.

It would be simple to just grab our golf bags, shorts and a swim tanks and hick - hike out of here till our real spring shows up in August. This last slap of winter is like a dagger, a real kick in the rear. However, there is hope. The annual "Spring and Garden Show" is at the high school this week end , oh, joy! That is if they can get the parking lot plowed out in time.

Blog Friday

The ranch didn’t sale, your stocks hit a new low and the doctors don’t know why you have double vision. Things could be worse. Yet, a man freely gave up his life 2,000 years ago for the love of family and friends.

You think that people don’t understand you? They didn’t understand him either and nailed him to a tree and here we are centuries later trying to understand his simple message, ‘don’t pull the trigger, simple look at the other fellow in the eye as a brother’.

He thought we should believe in something bigger, bigger than ourselves and bigger than He. I think you are getting my drift. We all come from the same root, only the labels have changed , you simply peddle the same old line and here we are 200 centuries later still at one another throats.

We need to pay closer attention to family and friend for in the end it’s their love and understanding which in the end is all we have, it was His most important message. And its priceless for all other things there is MasterCard.

Today is Good Friday - the day they nailed him but the only good thing about it is that it isn’t not snowing. Half the world believes in the day after tomorrow, Easter. The other half will be watching the Masters or mowing their sand dunes. For them I wish them well, love and understanding for once I was one of them.

The Range is Now Open

Hole 17 on Seventeen is now open. It’s a 7 of 8 iron swinging easy. Or if you are age 30 or below it’s a wedge or 9 iron. From tee (there is only one) to green is 138 yards, as the fish swims its 155 yards. Hook it and you’re in 20 feet of water, a hard slice you’re in the deep woods. Topping the ball could killer a few people on the dock in front of you , however the dock isn’t in this time of year.

During the height of the season, say around the 4th of July the odds are pretty high of hitting a passing water skier. No harm done here for it would be a shirt tale relation or one of the hanger ons.

You get five shots on the house, that’s on the house not through it. Any damage done by you will be taken out of your hide. The damage release was written by our neighbor who at one time was one mean DA. If you are right handed you must use a left handed club and if you are left handed, tuff - you get a putter, house rules.

So here we are facing another season of golfing low lifes trying to win a Miller High Life. What a deal!

Just when you think it’s safe to wax your clubs we got dumped last night on with 3 inches of snow and it's stilling falling. . Somewhere on God’s green earth there is actual green growing grass and blooming flowers… we are to months away from our 3 days of spring so it’s back to reality and the remodeling job. But before I do one last golf ball to hit across the lake. The last one went 5oo yards. Yaw, it was a 500 yard hit for the lake was covered with solid ice.

As Joanne’s Christmas present states,
" Lost four balls, found three, I am one under."

Palm tree country. 4/3

So what do you get on a visit to the land of southern breezes?
Rum twists with umbrellas floating on top can get you through some dull afternoons. It’s the evenings with a half dozen J&Bs that can cause trouble. Sure is nice to kickaround in the land of palm trees.

On the beach, sand castles only work only if you use a bag of Portland cement. Hours of sunshine are great for teenagers but not for what your doctor ordered. For the world that’s past 50 its beach robes, Oshkosh overalls, wide straw hats and sun block 75.

Two weeks or month is a proper dose of the X-rays. Zap you’re a poached egg. I knew a friend of my mothers who was sun worshipper. She’s sat on her dock all summer and fry. She looked like the ‘Return of the Native’. Years later she could have been used as a model for the California raisin ads. She looked like a veteran of Rommel’s African Corp.

So how can a person park their rears in the sunny south and get away with it?
The only way modern man has made it down south was with the invention of air conditioning. There is a way of looking at things with wide eyes.. Then there the things that stop you cold, like February heating bill or the electric bill of a southern’s summer air conditioning bill. Either way its a jolt as is the $3.60 a gallon gas of the sunny west coast.

Show me a climate of straight 72 degree days year around and I’ll show you a smaller utility bills but boredome to the eye. No fall colors, no winter white outs, no fresh lime greens of a spring landscape all of this I would miss. I need the exercise of snow shoveling, the sweat rolling off your nose from lawn mowing and the Arnold Arm building of splitting winter fire wood.
However, as the years roll by, 85 and sunny sounds pretty good.

Today's thought, "The sign of a professional carpenter,
a small first kit in his tool box."

April 1st no foolin'

It happened once again last night. The lake opened, the winter ice just went poof!
Gone, disappeared, left for greener pastures. The water in front of our little cabin is once again wide open the loons landed 5 minutes later.

How in the world do they know? What’s in their pea sized brain that allows them to know when to head north from the Gulf of Mexico? Which pond out of the thousands will have open water and have a McDonald’s fish fillet to munch on for lunch? They truly are amazing creatures.
It takes them several days to adjust to… the fresh water menu, the super cold water and to once again find their voices. During their 6 month vacation in the sunny south they lose their calls for some unknown reason. But give it a week and those birds will be better than my alarm clock.
Their arrival is my jolt, a kick in the rear that I had better get crackin’ on my honey do list. It’s loaded with critical things that have to be done before the summer gun goes off. All this is discounting the winter list which I seamed to have lost mid February.

So welcome home Loons and life’s calendar has turned another page.