A quick 9…

I was a little late. I got involved again in minor chores and when I looked at the watch I was running late getting to the golf course. This was yesterday morning, ladies league day, and you’d better get out in front of them or plan on a very late day, lunch at 2 diner at 9.

So, I hustled by buns down the road sped through Hazelhurst past a napping sheriff barged in line in the pro shop and made tracks out to the tee, all to no avail. For out on the tee were a line up of golf carts all with gray haired ladies waiting their turn.

Now I have no problems with gray hair, I only wished I had some. I do have problems with any golfers that takes two weeks to finish 9 holes.

I didn’t let this get the best of me for I then slipped over to the backside to the 10th tee. There a kindly gentleman asked if I ‘d like to play along. SURE! His name was Gulligan T. Duff and that’s what it was for 8 holes till I told the fellow that my time was limited and that I had to head in. As I was coming in I noticed that the ladies were finishing their 9 holes. So as the saying goes you came judge a book by it’s gray hair(s).

I should have through about finishing painting the cabin instead of teeing it up – it’s a time management thing. Next thing you know the boys will hit town and it’s a fishing thing till fall. Rosebud doesn’t like the looks of the place painted half purple, half orange and a quarter green.

Off on the town… 5/30

When I hit forty I told myself, “Self, you need to cut things short, slow things down quit being a goodie two shoes.” When asked if I’d help with something I decided that my time for that type of nonsense was over. Selling Christmas trees for my Rotary Club, No. Helping with the Lion’s Club Fund drive. No. But in the end I knuckled under and lent a hand. In my heart I had only one big yes and that was helping with Cystic Fibrosis fund drives. That was then and this is now.

As a senior senior, almost, I feel that I’ve walked the right road without getting hit by a semi. Well, it seems that someone else has kept putting my name in the hat to help with this and that and to attend a thing that ‘we just can’t miss.’

As of late it’s been … “We’ve got to get going tonight or we’ll be late to the flower show" flower show? By the way Sunday afternoon is the community concert. We have tickets. No, I didn’t purchase them! Then the bake sale is at school tomorrow afternoon, would mind, “Bud, you’re parking cars?” This was a command

My rear end is now embedded on our sofa, it’s stuck there as we are in the middle east. It isn’t going anywhere. It’s called squatter’s rights. Oh, you’ll have to excuse me…I’ve got to get dressed up to go to the spring high school play, bye.

The question is,
“ What if I’d had said NO those many years ago.”

The last time I actually raised my hand to volunteer was the dumbest thing I ever did. It was to fly Marine helicopters in 1965. They were looking for a few good men to act as targets. Fortunately I wasn’t good enough, thank God! Since then I have donated a lot of time to this or that. Actually a hand was raise behind my back by Rosebud. For some reason when a volunteer is needed I can feel a knife-point in my middle section.

But I’ve learned. Now a days - when volunteer season hits high pitch (spring time) I always start on my IMP’s, most important projects, and can drag things out usually until fall. Lately, if for some reason you missed a blog or two it’s because I’ve missed posting them. I am awfully busy thinking of ways not to volunteer.
How is this one “I‘am up on the roof shingling can not be disturbed, it’s very dangerous up here.”

Anyway that’s my present excuse. Actually I’ll be attending a summer class at our local tech college. The class is over humility.

Gentle people, start your engines…

That’s the call at Indianapolis 500 and off they go round and round. This year their will be three ladies in the field excluding Joann. She didn’t make the field, she got bumped. All the drivers will have crews of eight people changing tires and filling the fuel tanks. Would you like your windshield cleaned? That’ll be 5 bucks.

Then in the area garage each drivers have four or five wrenches fine tuning $150,000 engines and each car has two or three of these. Then add in motel rooms for a month, meals and entertainment and running the Indy race is a little costly – about as much as going to the race as a spectator.

Yesterday, I tried starting my own engine - No good. The engine was on my lawn mower. This is a very low budget thing. Our ultra small yard gets trimmed maybe twice a year, Memorial weekend and Labor day. (if that) I pulled and pulled on the starter cord and not even a sputter.
Out came the spark plug in went the starter fluid and I pulled and pulled, nope not a thing. I would have used the electric starter but the mower is a stripped down $90 model from Fleet Farm. It’s 15 years ago and just try to find parts. It doesn’t owe me a dime but I can see huge dollars in getting the thing running. So I started my car engine heading to Rhinelander looking for another $90 wonder.

Sad to say I may deep six the thing off Freddie’s dock, another fish crib for Lake Minocqua. The next move would be to stop at the newspaper and place a classified ad "Wanted one used goat."

Raise the flag…

Memorial Day, to me it’s more important than the 4th. I was fortunate not to have been a target for our country. I tried for the mind was willing but the body wasn’t. Its called 4f, unfit for duty. Now we are in it again and only one time in the last century did blowing away people almost make any sense.

Once again we find ourselves in a mess that our Washington wonders have led us onto, a thorny - path. The old saying still stands the test of time "the road to hell is paved with good intentions". But it’s time that we don’t have nor to many of our soldiers.

It’s a no win deal over there – rational people do not donate their lives and their neighbors in a violent way for the cause of peace. So once again we have placed our youth in harms ways in an illogical cause. It’s these youth and those that are no longer with us that need to be remembered this Memorial Day.

Last Sunday the names of our soldier killed in Iraq were read in church. There was no sermon just the names and I tried picturing their families and the sorrow they were feeling. The emotion hit me like a brick. We are now at about a 10th of the total casualty number in Vietnam let alone the additional number of the mane.

So pause for a moment over the weekend between brats and beer and think about those in the line of fire and truthfully ask yourself, What are we doing over there? It’s either we have a 100% commitment or pull the plug, non of this in the middle of the road stuff while stepping on a landmines.

Shades of Brown, the color that is… 5/23

Our place really needed a cosmetic job. The last time I stained the exterior I used a ‘real deal’ stain, a blue light K-Mart special which was closing its doors. It only took two heavy rains to wash most of this real deal stain off the siding.

There’s been a committee of two trying to come up with a new look to the old place. So, into the hardware store and its paint department we ventured. They had hundreds of shades of the color called toup? Toup? It’s a dirty shade of brown from gray to the green side. But here’s the problem …just try and describe a color you are after to a sales person. It’s impossible. We knew what we thought we were looking for and to be safe we purchased quart after quart applying a sample to our place. From a distance it looked like a brown / tan zebra and under different light conditions the colors changed as well.

This was a team project. Rosebud was the one trying to get the color right while I was the brush man. After a dozen sample color errors we got one that was just right. So what’s the big deal about color? I mean I’ve got a friend whose is as color blind as a bat. To him green is red, blue is yellow and walking into an art museum is like getting hit by a strobe light. A rainbow? Well, to my friend it’s take your pick of grays.

So when it comes down to - beauty is in the eye of the beholder, like the new Bar Tender at the Thirsty Whale, but let’s not go there.

Throw in the towel… 5/22

There are times when it is better to call it quits, hang it up. For many a year I tired to get grass to grow in acid soil mostly in the shade. The sandy soil was only good for growing wood ticks. I’d throw on grass seed add some hay then add a ton of water only to have the birds run off with the seed.
Rosebud for years has tried to have a flower garden. She’d add potting soil and all sorts of stuff from a bag. The results were amazing. We had a blaze of blooming flowers all for a day of two when the deer would find a way through the fencing we put up. One even climb the deck steps and had a lunch of her potted flowers.

Both of these examples are like my older brother’s crash diets. First he had his no carbo meals which went on for several months. I called and asked, " How’s it going?" He’d tell he that he fallen off the wagon and was on a new and improved diet, fruits, a solid fruit diet. Well, this didn’t last very long either. I mean even apes can’t make to the jon eating bananas all day long. He’s tried every diet plan on the books and all for not.

There are some things that at meant to be i.e. deer in Rosebud’s flower garden. Another is strife in the middle east. There is no way in the blue Susan that you are going to force peace down the throats of peoples that have been at one another for centuries. It’s only when they have buried enough of their sons and daughters that they will come to realize the folly of their hatred.

We as a country can not and should not police the world. We can’t even get thing straight in our own back yard. Just think of all the good we could do if we focused on real human conditions. As for me I have a new deer fence to put up…it’s either that or get my 22 cal. rifle out which is very dangerous as is my brother’s dieting.

Picture that… 5/21

Ok, it’s now above 40 degrees outside and I can really start thinking about drowning worms. One last thing will be getting help from the brothers in putting the dock in and then it’s the official, start of the fishing season.

This year I even put new line on my reels thinking just by chance a stupid fish would want to commit suicide and tie into my worm. I guess I have ants in my pance for it sure would be nice to catch a few big’ins. Then again there’s the thought, "Then what?" As I mentioned before Capt. Freddie said, "We are going to clean what we catch!"

Many of you may have forgotten that in years past (many a year) I fished for a living. Another words I worked in the fishing industry. I'd get up in the A.M. and drive to work putting on my fishing thinking cap for 8 to 10 hours coming up with new and inventive ideas to catch fisherman. Then I'd drive home have a quick dinner then take the family out on the lake with rod in hand. We’d chase after that mystery fish, Desert Pete, a huge monster that I'd mount and hang in Bosacki’s Boat House for the general public to view.

However, Bosacki’s went up in flames as did a huge mounted fish that my dad had on their wall. So, now a day’s I’m trying to picture catching a mess of smaller fish, cleaning them and frying them up for a mess of dinner guests.

It sounds and tastes delicious but the picture I have is the trouble with the cleaning part.

5/19 A Saturday morning blog? how strange.

What happened to Fridays’? You could say things are getting a little out of hand. The old boy is losing it. Turning on my computer and sitting in front of a screen that is as blank as my wiring isn't what I had in mind and besides I have a chipped memory board upstairs.

Better yet is what happened yesterday morning prior to the cock crowing. I quietly got up, dressed and was out of the house without the dog barking nor waking Rosebud with her list of one hundred and one things I must do before I expire. Into the car and out the drive I went straight to the golf course. You see I’m retooling my game i.e.Tiger Woods style.

For a week I had the thing together (the golf game). I hadn’t lost a ball, now am going through them as fast as my pain pills. Then after 5 practice holes the ball start to stay in play. To celebrate this feat I took Rosebud out on the town last night, an almost big event.

As you know Friday nights in Wisconsin are fish fry nights and I had my usual bowl of grease washed down by a bottle of red stuff followed by more pain pill this am.
It’s called paying the Piper.

What’s next,? Bring it on! 5/17

The remodeling is there, the cabin almost stained, the deck is next - I'll power washed and seal it which should take a day. All this was done with some one watching over my shoulder. I’ve even cleaned up most of the cuttings from last winter's loggin'. This in it's self was a full time job. Menwhile, I’ve finished supervising the new church construction and for good measure designed 9 stain glass windows of which sold have been sold 7 to unsuspecting members.

Then throw in working part time at the golf course and I feel a little tired. I've got to take a break putting my feet up and watching the loons mate while having a couple of soda pops on the front deck. Oh, by the way the new driver and metal knee has brought a new smile to the golf game as well. After all this, I’ve seriously considered taking the summer off, sitting on my fanny and doing NOTHING! The boys are out of town and it's near impossible to get into trouble.

So, after my mid morning nap I’ll be ready to raise a little hell... or maybe I should a have a little lunch first. This retirement thing is a lot of work.

A gift to the world... Beer Pong!

It started in Madison, the birth place of some other off the wall ideas. You have to remember that Madison Wisconsin is the haven for others that can't or would rather not. So here here we have a pass time that makes as much sense as jumping off a cliff without a parachute. It's Beer Pong, the great leisure time pain killer, that is until the next morning.

It's part bowling, part darts, part table tennis, with an enormous amount of beer chuggin'. As far as the rules are concerned,there aren't any and only if you get caught cheating.It Outback Steak House - no rules just right. I have been witness to two such matches and it'safter mat. Let me tell you , it isn't pretty.

What's required are two saw horses, a 4 x8 sheet of plywood painted a God awful color, ten large plastic cups and gallons of beer. Add three or four dozen willing contestants who don't care about the morrow and oh, ya..you need a ping pong ball. Are you getting the picture?

This intense sport was developed one spring day when a group of students in Madison got bored out of their skulls while cramming for finals. The real pro's now travel to remote locations spreading acclaim to this growing sport... very similar to NFL- Europa.

The sports commissioner, a Ms. M. Fry, was asked about her efforts in spreading the game to South America . "It's a little different down there for the table is upside-down and the ball spins in opposite direction, simaler to how things flush in Down Under."

Nothing to say…

The mind is blank. The slate I clean. There isn’t a new thought in the knoggin’. We were away for the weekend, no big deal. We were in Milwaukee, no big deal. The Brewers are on a roll, kind of a big deal. I caught a huge one off the dock this am, a very small deal. Really, the only news I can write about would put you to sleep.

We were baby sitting a grand daughter over the weekend and she is in the process of learning to walk, big deal? Well, I knew you’d be as excited as Rosebud was. No big deal. Then it started to sink in. I mean… look around you today , take a good look. There are many things that we just take as ho hum, done that.. been there… well, to many people just today is amazing… if you are breathing, if are vertical and if you are smiled at this a.m. then you are miles ahead.

So, what’s news? It’s spring you numskull? Lighten up and smell the roses. End of sermon! Go pinch some one’s rear end, tip that waitress, or buy that guy at the end of the bar a fresh one

Weather or not….

To most of the US this spring moisture has fallen. It’s fallen heavily in most places, but not in northern Wisconsin. This is the 7th year in a row where Mother Nature decided to turn her attention elsewhere.

I’ve mentioned this before and will probably again for we do have a problem with the rain/snow fall and the drop in the water table. Some people wanted to point fingers at the fat cat central state farmers who now have hundreds of wells driven into the state aquifers sucking out tons of clear clean water. Many think that this along with the lack of rainfall has lead to the drop in the state’s water table and lake levels as well.

What’s The Birch Bake Tales spin on this you ask? All I’ve got to say is that if I have to pay for one more messed up boat prop I’ll have to take out a second mortgage on our place. Yes, the lake has dropped, yes there are rocks where there use to be three feet of water, yes we now have a huge sand beach in front of the place but…. Please, send some of your rain our way, and turn off your sprinkler…And thank you.

Direct Orders …to clean or not to clean?

Captain Freddie of the USS Huntski has leveled the law. "There will be no more fishing from his ship till we at least starting cleaning some fish and have a down home fish fry, period." However, our fish clearner is at present out of the country.

That was it. Capt Fred's law was laid and no more dead worms on his boat deck carpeting till we start getting serious about our catch. For many a year we all believe in many of the fishing organization’s motto “ Catch and Lease” SO now Capt. Freddie will not even let us go joy riding till we clean a mess of bluegill and fry them up.

The last time I cleaned a mess of fish I had to travel to the emergency room and get sewn up after slashing my leg trying to kill a horsefly with a fillet knife. Then the other big question is what to do with the fish guts? I know my dog would love to dig them up and roll in them.

I could bury them in my neighbors yard (my brother’s place) but he has a dog as well. I've got it! I could put the fish in a blender and we all could have fish pancakes?

Your ideas are welcome as well!

Here it comes… ready or not… 5/8

The after effects have already started and they haven’t laid a brick. Just thinking about progress many of our town's merchant's have already pulled up stakes and closed their businesses.

Our little town has somewhat out grown it’s self. Corporate America has it eye on us and as it has in the past for just north of town Mr. Rockefeller built his Midwest get away on Trout Lake. The same holds true of the folks from Listerine, Johnson Wax and so on. We were a get away destination due to the “quaintance” of the little island town surrounded by woods and water.

Then came Pizza Hut and Mc D’s and the quaintance was shot in the foot especially when the our old watering hole burned down. It was an old turn of the century massive roof covered boathouse that had dining and cocktails right on the lake. You could sit there with the sound of the waves under your bar stool while gazing at the mounted fish over the bar and listen to tall tails from George, Jerry and Larry the bar tenders.

Now it’s Culver’s and Perkin’s - all of which have added to the glare of Progress? But the real knife is coming, it’s a Super Wal-Mart. So our loss is their gain and it’s a loss that can never be recovered only put into their corporate profits. It’s pave over the pine time. If you want a truly northwood’s experience? Try heading further north to the UP - it still takes a bit to get lost up there but it's possible just ask Dave and Freddie.

It’s a tie, jump ball…

Our friendly saloon’s remodeling and our bathroom remodeling… it all started on the same day. I was into their place yesterday and had been told that they had completed their project several days ahead of ours. Our only needs a towel bar mounted and it’s on hold till Rosebud figures out where the thing goes.

The race for completion was what it was. Well, it’s a matter of defining the word completion. If I were them, (thankfully I’m not) I would have taken it a step further like replacing the flooring needs a complete overhaul as do the both jon’s or so I’m told.

It comes down to defining the word “ complete”.
Many things are the same way like what’s right, what’s left? What’s a conservative and what’s a liberal and do you really need a dictionary to define things… like explaining a color to a child or to a color blind person?

Come on – what’s finished at my old watering hole verses hanging a towel bar - they had a crew of eight and I had a crew of two including an over seer, Rosebud who wouldn’t let a thing slip by. So one tie all tie.

An empty stringer.

For non outdoor people, a stringer is what you use to put on fish on to take them home to clean them. Then there are some very advanced anglers have $50,000 fishing rigs, fancy high-powered boats that are loaded few hi-tech electronics that tell them how to get home at night. They even have live wells where they put their catch, fish that they also intend to take home, clean and eat. I would think that they should be called dead wells but whose is going to purchase a $50,000 boat with a thing called a dead well.

So my little row boat has a $1.50 stinger ( a small piece of rope with a metal tip). 99% of the time I completely forget to have the thing along. Then again most of the time I forget either a rod, tackle box, fishing license, thermos (with Capt. Morgan) , or a PFD personal flotation device. To go fishing you’ve got to have your act together.

Subconsciously I think I leave the stringer at home due to the fact that cleaning fish is a pain. And what do you do with the inners? I know you are going to tell me to throw it into my neighbor’s yard? The problem there is that my neighbor is my brother and he’d be wise as to where it came from. Plus, his dog would be into it in a snap for she’s the best fisher ‘person’ on the lake. Add this to the fact that night crawlers are $4.00 a dozen and you can go to McD’s and get 2 fish sandwiches $3.00 and there are many a sound reason to leave your stringer at home.

Fishing tip of the year...Tackle selection, it improves your catch.

It’s the annual tackle box spring cleaning time and I arrange my stuff by color. Yes, color! There was a guy with a Ph.D. who make a killing selling the concept that fish had a color range in there eyes. That under certain light conditions fish could see different colors better than others.

Yes, this blog today is a fish story for I happened to make a living for few years fishing. Well, not fishing per say but hooking fishermen in purchasing products from the company I worked for, a fishing lure company. We were a very progressive company always ahead of the game in hooking fishermen, marketing 101 all over again.

So let’s think like a fish for a moment…
Geee, it’s cold in these water, am freezing, it’s night - black as sin plus someone messed up these waters, messed-up the muddy bottom, I can’t see a bloody thing… hummmm and I’ve got a tummy ache, got find some dinner.

I want to be caught, but can’t see jack. You’re Jack in the boat with a mess of different tackle. The question is what to use. So you go to this instrument that Doctor Loren invented after months of testing different fish in different light and water conditions and bingo … the instrument tells you - on dark nights, dark waters, low light you use a dark lure… or better yet, you slip a lighted M-80 with a small rock wrapped in aluminum foil over board and seconds later that fish doesn’t have to worry about seeing things or catching dinner for all of a sudden the stars are out as it floats to the surface.

So as to marketing tackle? Make it colorful and hook the fisher-person first, for the fish don’t mind – they are semi mindless as are a few of my dear friends.
Tomorrow night is the OPENER and my tackle box is loaded with M-80’s, they are always biting!

Ok where was I?
I was finding Forester, looking for Waldo…. Then there was…


Stephen Hawking Joy Ride…The vomit comet was at it again. I was just wondering about his trip into zero gravity. Somewhere along the line some one had to pay for the fuel getting his aircraft up there loaded with other bystanders and the media. The question is, ‘Is there a free lunch?’ And where would it end up?
Let’s see, there was the cost of the air plane crew, the ground folks and the staff aboard with vacuum cleaners and scrub buckets All this cost quite a penny or two.

It could only be a government boon-dogel. You and I paid for Mr. Hawking’s up set tummy. I have a suggeation than for Uncle Sam and cost cutting. Instead of the thousands of buck for a vomit ride all they have to do is ride with our friend Bob Borgman down Cedar Falls Road after the saloon closes… talk about zero gravity.