A SIMPLE BEER( S)… 1/31/06

One foot is on a banana peel, the other on marbles. What a way to wander through life. Yet, it’s better than always looking where you are stepping and still walking head long into a bus. Some people have health problems, others have mental hang-ups, and they carry these around their necks almost as billboards. Many others have the same problems but carry on the day with resolve, how they do this is beyond me. Then there are people blessed with being… OK.

Many of us have stubbed our toes in some form or another. Some of these were self-inflicted like going off a water ski jump upside down. Other stubbed toes were not self-inflicted. You can call it happenstance, the luck of the draw, or more likely the passing on of a genetic defect.

But the most amazing things have happened to all of us in the last 40 years. These advances in many ways have been positive progress. Our electronic age is driving advances all over the board especially in communications and medicine. If not for these, I wouldn’t be here, nor one of my daughters.

I am grateful for the gifts of progress. But putting on blinders and not letting people reach for medical cures is absolute stupidity (i.e. stem cell research). But on the other hand we have yielded a great part of our grandparent’s heritage to us… the simple pleasures and wonders of daily life.

You will have to excuse me a moment for there is a beautiful sunset happening outside my window. Gotta enjoy it, then walk the dog and have a beer.

ASSISTING OUR WILD LIFE… 1/30/06

What a delight it is to sit by our lakeside window having breakfast, looking out and watching the small birds fly to our feeder. There are all types of birds that are out of their minds spending the winter in the north and rather than in Miami Beach. Nuthatches and chickadees are some of my favorites. We also have black, gray and red squirrels that are driving me up the walls.

Last fall I upgraded our feeder to a “Squirrel Proof’ brand thinking this would stop them from depleatin the feeder in 30 seconds. There are numerous design engineers out there (2) that have gotten big bucks configuring a bullet-proof feeder.
Many of you know a squirrel’s brain is a lot smaller then that of a MIT grad’s brain. So why can’t someone come up with a design that keeps the squirrels at bay?

Not only that, late last fall I was coming home one night, I will not say from where, and I heard a loud nose in the front side of the cabin, where our bird feeder is stationed. Thinking it was squirrels again at the feeder I walked (stumbled) alongside the cabin to shoe then away, great thinking? Then in the dark I saw a large pair of eyes looking back at me… a black bear! He or she was just as shocked as I was and we both headed in opposite directions, I to inside the cabin and the bear up a tree. Before bed I thanked the stars that I didn't go dancing with the bear into the wood.

Next morning I witnessed the bear’s late night forage. Our new feeder was in many parts and the feeder’s metal post looked like a corkscrew. To solve your own squirrel problems I have a bear for rent...…

FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT ONLY… 1/29/06

Everywhere you go now there are machines lined up against the wall. The object of their placement is that our local businesses want you to drop in a twenty-dollar bill or more on each one of your visits. Known as slots, they made their first appearance in the twenties. You can thank Thomas Edison as well as da' boys in Chicago for our new and improved electric marvels.

Due to the diligence of some people in Evanston IL and Kansas, laws were passed in the twenties that did away with slots, public saloons, and my beloved J&B scotch. But back by popular demand, slots are now in your neighborhood saloons as is my J&B. Not to be out done by bar owners who are paying their mortgage notes off with the income from these machines, other merchants of all types are lining their walls with one armed bandits in hopes of doing the same.

I even heard of a church that was considering slots to supplement plate offerings. Their logic is that the boys in the Bible loved the use of dice, so why not use this new and improved form of gambling.

To make all this lawful the slot owners place a sign on each stating “For entertainment only”. Now if you get ahead of the game after sitting in front of the thing for hours and have sense enough to quite they will pay you off (in cash) the next day.
This is called “ entertainment!”

You ask...Am I ahead or behind in using one armed bandits? I seldom go near the those things! Geee it's hard typing with crossed fingers.

By the way those of you new to BLOBBING and feel a need a rebuttal any of my well thought out comments may do so by clicking on comments. For those that agree with my comments, you are in need of help.

By DEGREES…. 1/28/06

I am not talking about a piece of paper that took me 5 years to attain then was confirmed on me by a university president at commencement. This is about January 26th, yesterday, and the fact that it was 44 degrees on our front deck. Here we are on what could be the COLDEST day of the year, and it’s 44 in the north country?

No, the degrees that are getting to me are an over abundance of BTU’s. For years my daughters were beating on my chest about global warming. I use to blow them off but now in January, yesterday, I went looking for my sunglasses and sun block 30. Thinking back on this it’s been six winters since we’ve had a snow cover worth talking about. Our 5 to 6 feet of winter snow is down to 12 inches and our lake levels haven’t been this low since I can’t remember.

Something is messing around with the environment. There is a lot more stuff in the air that’s not suppose to be there, and it’s got to be related to my relative’s cars and what comes out of the tail pipe. Start your car and go sit by the tailpipe for 5 minutes. It’s pure ugly times millions, you’ll see what I mean.

The other problem is the rest of the world is catching up with our stupidity.… developing nations have built coal fired power plants that run shops in China, India and elsewhere, and we just can’t get enough of those smiling faces (Walmart’s)… Let’s have a good time and bring back the nuke power plants, also replace gasoline with water in our cars, and switch from Cutty Sark to J&B…. problem solved!

#4 travelogue …… an Empty BAG 1/27/06

As a mid-winter break we hit the road heading south. It was a sad and happy trip.
My dear wife spent a considerable amount of time packing this and that of her “stuff”. I spent most of my time plotting our course, roads to be taken and length of stay and where.

The week before time dragged, but the morning came to depart. I threw stuff in my bag, we dropped our Springer off in doggie jail, and headed south. First stop was with my brother and his wife’s little farm outside of Milwaukee. We had the usual Wisconsin Friday night fish fry at the local saloon and chatted about old times. At this point in our lives the only thing we have is old.

We hit the road early heading to Glen Ellyn, IL. This was the sad part as we attended a dear friend’s father’s memorial service. His father almost made it to 100. No this wasn’t the sad part. The sad part was that half way down to road I realized I’d forgotten a down vest as well as the novel I was reading.

The service wasn’t sad for my friend’s father left behind a large loving family. It actually was a bright spot in their family’s recent history, while I on the other hand had left behind several valuable items. We had two other family stops to make in Omaha and Kansas City. Over the next five days I left behind other VALUABLE items.

My son, mother-in-law, and sister-in-law are now in the process of mailing all the stuff that I left scattered around the Midwest. I had left with a 45 pound travel bag and returned with an 8 pounder… yes it’s brain fade. Stay tuned for the February edition of Travelogue …To be continued.

#3 travelogue …..the HOWLING DOG 1/26/06

That noise you hear isn’t what you think it is. It’s not some K-9 baying at the moon. It’s a place, a saloon. I tried telling a friend about this new joint but the adjectives were not to be found. So I thought I’d bore you in descriptive details. You have to do a bit of traveling to get there that’s why this is a travelogue.

Every town has it’s joint where people go to hang and get the goods on fellow citizens.
Our area is comprised of many small towns and way too many joints to pass the time of day - make that evening. Some towns are blessed with more that one of these places and it takes hours to make the rounds having a round at each.

That’s not our little town’s problem. We just have one joint, Whitman’s. To make the rounds you just sit there and listen and listen and listen. Because of my delicate condition, a front zipper and rerouted plumbing, I can only stand an hour or so of listening. Then I have to get into the car, drive miles, and go listen at a few other places down the road. Until recently the other places where not up to my high standards but then along came the Howling DOG. It’s a long haul to the DOG but it’s worth the trip.

A nice couple took over a very old saloon and made it homey, if you call a saloon homey.
The DOG is an old log building with a floor and roof that sags more than my tummy. Yet they used elbow grease and an artist’s touch to bring it up even to my wife’s standard. What makes the place are the smiles and the welcome you receive walking into the Howling DOG.

It’s on Hwy 51, Manitowish Waters, and you’d better slow down or you could miss the place. Belly up to the bar and I’ll buy you a beer.

#2 travelogue UP THE ROAD… 1/25/06

That’s where you’ll find us, here are the directions. From I-80 take I–39 north for 5 hours at 80 mph. You’ll come upon the Oneida County line where woods and waters meet. In the past it took flatlanders, tourist, 8 to 9 hours driving time to make it to the north woods.

A few years back, the boys in Madison spend a few billion dollars building 4 laners and by-passes to avoid several dozen cowtowns including our capital, Cheeseville, USA.

The four lane road drops down to two lanes then to a gravel road before hitting the first and only stop light in northern Wisconsin. The first indication that you’re here is that the road stops.

Before checking into one of our fine resorts or hotels, you’ll want to check your calendar. If by chance it’s October or later in the year, you may want to reconsider your sanity and head back the way you came.

Our Chamber produced a lovely color brochure listing many exciting activities you can get involved in. The brochure is like going on a Carnival Cruise depicting great family activities…. First we start with morning GO-Carting and finish the day in the evening GO-carting under lights.

It’s a magical kingdom without magic…. However, we have great trees, sunsets and lakes that are filled with jumbo bluegill minnows. You’ll need to stop at a sports shop for a fishing license costing 80 bucks then hire an experienced guide, another 250 bucks. I can help you with that for I know someone long on experience. But first we or nature has to melt a foot of lake ice…..
This is the second in a series of four travelogues, oh did you miss the first? So did I…

OUT OF GAS… 1/24/06

Last week was a warm spell. It was so nice that it made us want to cook out on the front deck and watch snowmobiles run through the lake slush. It was a quick trip to town and back shopping for heart healthy soybean burgers. Then it was time to fire up the grill, but which one?

Not to put my nose in the air but we have two grills. Just like NASA we have a backup system that never works. After shoveling the snow off both I took a look. We were out of charcoal for the one grill so I fired up the gas grill and let it preheat.

Usually I have a backup LP tank but I hadn’t refilled it last fall when it ran out. Little did I know the tank I was using only had fumes in it. Ever try eating a half-cooked soy burger or even regular burger? After a second trip to town for another LP tank it was well past dinnertime. However, the burger stands were open and now I am completely gassed up, literally … Ah there is nothing like cooking in the great outdoors, pass the mustard please.

BOREBALL 1/23/6

OK sports fan this is it….. We are down to several teams. Tom and Dave’s team, the Bears, are history. Fred and Ken’s team, the Packers are history. Scott’s team, the Chargers, are history.
So football has two events left for the year. One is the big game where in an oh-so run plays another and they call it SUPER.

Then there is NFL draft where a bunch of junior class drop outs are paid a lot of money to sit on a bench and bring hope to other oh so run towns like New Orleans, Miami, Cleveland and Detroit. The excitement is gone even from college bowl games for they will not be played till next year. What’s left?

Two things can occupy a blank late winter mind, the start of Baseball and NASCAR. In the
reality of things baseball is about as exciting as watching paint drying. Ya, The White Sox won the series, Ya for Tom, but boreball’s only saving grace is that went I need a good nap I turn a game on and it’s lights out.

The only other thing to do on a dull week end day is to either spit wood or watch the Speed Channel. I have a brother that can’t fall asleep without the sound of racing engines. But car racing is like the NBA, pro basketball. You only have to watch the last five minutes to see whose top cheese, please pass the crackers. Beers are optional. How about a good red merlot joint,
Join me at Whitman?

SLOWMOBILING… 1/23/06

Out past our shed is a large white mound. I’ve thought about it for several months now.
Buried in the snow are two relatively new snowmobiles. By relatively I mean they are around 18 year old, very young, as use would have it. Two springs ago I put a tarp over them after summerizing them, which means blocking the track off the ground and a few other things which I didn’t do.

Last winter came and I got busy with my winter job delivering LP gas to neighbors far and wide. It is an outside job driving a truck and dragging a hose through waist high snow for 8 hours daily. Did I mention that it’s cold outside all winter? So last year the thought of going snowmobiling after work just didn’t enter my mind. Then the weekends would come, but after 5 frost bite working days, snowmobiling left me cold.

As last winter progressed it seemed that I got colder and couldn’t shake it. In March my wife headed out of town on a thing called a Navy Tiger Cruise. She joined my son on an aircraft carrier and had a nice boat ride. Meanwhile I was at home working, thinking about a possible late winter snowmobile ride. Two things happened. I couldn’t get the thing started and I couldn’t get my own engine going. Now after two heart procedures and a vast amount of physical rehab I have been thinking of going riding. Crazy they say, could be, but so is downhill skiing on wobbling knees. Tally ho!

OVER YOUR HEAD 1/21/05

This is yesterday's blog, and the one below or is it above is today's, something is out of order once again go figure... anyway....
Remember the time you raised your hand? Whether it was to answer a teacher’s question, or to volunteer for a charity that ran you out of time, you just couldn’t hold back. Many a time the raising of a hand got you into more trouble than you thought possible.

Recently in our small town -small operation, a Thrift Shop run by our local church thought that it would be a good idea to expand. Think of all the good we could do if we had a better larger location all on one floor, lighted and with the donated “stuff” nicely displayed.

So on we went with a new and improved shop. It was a GRAND OPENING. The community really got on the bandwagon for the proceeds had been going right back into the community’s needs. However, the donation of all kinds of “stuff” have just kept coming and coming. It’s just been amazing, maybe knee jerk reaction to the destruction on the Gulf coast. The new large storage room is so overloaded that you can’t get to anything. It busting at the seams, we are over our heads in “STUFF”. The town has gone nuts is a very nice way.

A DAY OFF …. 1/22/06

I’ve got to take a day off from everything and I do mean everything. My back is killing me. It’s taken a beating. The daily tread milling and splitting wood is taking its toll. Then yesterday, a little ice under foot and my feet went south, my head north and I landed flat on my back. A blaze of stars came out, and it was at noon.

Years ago I would have bounced right up and laughed it off, but not yesterday. When this jellyroll hit the icy pavement it was a good 20 minutes before I got my bearings. Out came the hot pad and water bottles; even a hot tub didn’t help take the pain away… fortunately I found my J&B bottle and a little liquid medication helped somewhat.

When I awoke this a.m., my back hurt a lot less, but my head really was pounding. I think I’ll submerge the thing in a hot tub, my head that is. Oh, did I tell you it’s snowing again, time to re-plow the drive. I tell you, a man’s work is never done.

NEWS FLASH… 1/20/06

1/16/06 - Northern Hemisphere USA Unconfirmed reports have just been received that an orange object was spotted hovering just over the horizon. Several spectators also stated that they saw several shades of blue through the grey cloud cover. Authorities have rushed these spectators to a local optometrist to have their eyes checked after almost passing an alcohol breath test.

A local insurance agent, Phil Ryerson stated, “ It’s way to early in the season for this to be happening (blue skies). Our local groundhog is still in hibernation, the fellow will not be ready for his annual appearance for weeks to come. Let’s not get too anxious for spring. Besides, I still have a lot of car collision insurance to write.”

For those in the “out crowd” Phil Ryerson was a character in our favorite wet back’s classic movie, “Ground Hog Day”. The season opener for ground hogs starts Jan 28th. It is hoped by all that someone will nail the fuzz ball before his shadow is seen.

GEEEE …. I FORGOT….. 1/19/06

What’s the penalty?
If they pass the hat in church and you remember your wallet is not in your pants or purse but at home on the dresser?
What’s the penalty?
If on your downswing the golf ball moves?
What’s the penalty?
If you’re driving along going 82 in a 45 mph speed zone?
What’s the penalty?
If you have that third donut that’s just sitting there on the table mindless of you but you not of it?
What’s the penalty?
If the cashier gives you back more change than you rightfully should get?
What’s the penalty?
If you have forgotten a family member’s birthday for the second year in a row?
What’s the penalty?
If you forgot to let the dog out of the house for a day or two?
What’s the penalty?
If you can’t remember that you can’t remember.

To some people it is a sign of advancing age, or the unthinkable, the mental disorder that no one wishes on anyone… But what do you call it when your brain hasn’t been in gear since you were five years old? I want you to think back to all the people you know and tell me of a person who hasn’t had a brain fade. I rest my case, none of us are perfect… well, except maybe one and she will not admit it.

I gotta go the roof needs shoveling, na that’s not it, I’ve got to shovel something, I just can’t remember…

You’re New National Holiday …. 1/18/06

We have Martin Luther King Jr Day. It’s a day wherein the stock market is closed, the banks are closed and the post offices are closed which maybe a good thing. Everything comes to a haul accept the 230 million remaining Americans who work for a living. Gas stations are open, discount stores are open and so are malls….

I am not saying Matrin Luther King should not be honored in someway. But if every American who laid their life on the line and many give it willingly and still do…should have a day in their honor…why we’d be out of days till the next millennium.

There are thousand of soldier and non-soldiers that fought for your rights to stay at home and watch. Yes, Rev. King should be on the list, as well as George Patton, and Alex Hamilton. There are many more John Does that really haven’t gotten their credit, guys like Al Stolen who had his planes shot up during WW 2 kept it to hemself.

This national day could be as big as the 4th of July. Or, celebrate their gifts to us on the 4th.
Gee, we already do… just forget what I proposed but remember all those other people.

ITS NOT NORMAL 1/17.06

I've been on the road for the past 5 days. Our trip has taken us from the northwoods of Wisconsin south through Illinois, Iowa, Missouri and Kansas. In our car trunk I packed winter safety items, a small bag of sand, a wool blaket, flashlight and a snow shovel. Just south of mid Wisconsin the snow just up and disappeared.

On our first stop in Illinois I got out of the car a was met with a warm blast of 40 degree wind. 40 degee? and this is mid winter. Then traveling around Davenport Iowa there was GREEN grass. As a kid I use to shed down the towns hills and here was green grass. What's going on here? It's just not normal!

Now, I don't mind paying less for heating our cabin in the woods but this is nuts. In the last 6 years we just haven't had the snow cover nor normal "winter temps". Some people point fingers at globle warming, other to this and that.

What we need is to have a two year congressional investigation. We'd load up a jumbo jet with congressmen and fly it to the moon on a fact finding mission. In this way we'd get a lot of hot air out of the way.

Ok, Lighten UP…. 1/13/06

This friend of mine has this bird joke. The joke now older than I am. I shouldn’t laugh at it when he tells it annually, none of us should. We all know it by heart. Yet when he tells it, he breaks us all up.

I’ve tried to figure why his joke cracks us up, I can’t. Maybe it’s not the message but the messenger… he’s got this funny smile at the start and it only gets bigger. He knows he’s got us and he starts laughing half way through and it gets worse. Then he’s hits us with the punch line and that’s it. Just the glee in his eyes makes your belly roll.

He just went through two major surgeries and by all indications we will all be laughing at his stupid joke for years come…. “So when the bird falls off it’s perch..” smile.

TRAINING 101 1/12/06

“Nice doggie, sit!”
Then you give her or him a puppy biscuit. The same thing with all the other commands: stay, shake, come, and roll over. Fetch is the hard one. It’s repeat, repeat and before to long your wife has you shaped up.

The reward for taking the garbage to the dump is breakfast. Plowing the drive or mowing the lawn, depending on the season at hand, and you get dinner. After 38 years I’ve got all the responses to commands down pat. However, this old dog is willing to learn new tricks.
Stay, Boo-boo, good dog!

SHAPE UP! 1/11/06

Just don’t sit there, every second the world’s gravity is playing hell with your body. I don’t have to tell you that you’re buying clothes a size or three larger than a few years back. The wall mirror doesn’t lie - tough isn’t it? Well, shape up, that’s what I think I am going to do!

There is something else that happens when the Twinkies are unwrapped. It’s inside, and after several decades of having a second donut and double serving of butter on movie popcorn, I heard something pop several months ago. It was inside my chest and it wasn’t a shirt button.

Don’t try to tell me that it only happens to other guys, the folks that are out of shape, over weight inactive frogs who occupy time and space. That slug who can sit through three NFL games back to back to back eating chips & dip could be you or I.

I thought I was the exception. I watched my food intake, got my rest and did some moderate work outs… I thought I was a good boy and this good boy’s blood system failed, I was lucky. I now have a new front zipper and it’s not on a pair of Gucci pants.

My plumbing has been rerouted and I am thankful that the SILVER BULLET just missed. Three or four days a week for 50 minutes I look like an overweight AARP member on a treadmill chasing a 5 pound wedge of Swiss cheese. My News Year’s resolution is to get into a my size 36” Gucci 1975 bellbottoms, any bets??

280 YARDS, RIGHT DOWN THE MIDDLE 01/10/06

My dad always told me look before you leap, like the time I went for a walk on our frozen covered lake. Right, I stepped into a snow covered spring hole and went for a swim. On our golf course there is a blind hole and you always look around the corner before hitting your second shot, well almost always. How did I know it was not clear ahead? Almost killed the some poor guy.

Another time we were in such a hurry to go fishing that I hooked up the boat trailer, loaded tackle, rods and beer cooler without checking the trailer. Down the road we went with a very low or I should say 99% flat tire, it was ugly, tire parts flying through the air. Don’t even ask how many fish we caught that day.

Plan ahead, look ahead, just a little forethought can do wonders, something like our country’s foreign policy for the last 50 years. Ta, ta, it’s a blog policy that politics are not allowed in bon your site, but you can vote for me anyway, I am not on the ballot's right column nor left just a little dead center as are my tee shots.

OTHER WINTER INACTIVITIES… 1/9/06
When the tough get going, the tough usually get going. When the inactive get going they really don’t, it just looks like it.

If sorting through your fishing gear does not trip your trigger as a winter pastime then this semi-active north woods trail guide has a few other activity suggestions. Most will require a boatload of cash.

First: Snow shoeing - you’ll need a good quality pair of insulated boots and a pair of snowshoes with bindings. You'll also need several designer outfits for you have to loo good out there amoung the birch trees. Next you’ll need to talk four or five other people into going with you. Not for safety sake, but it’s really boring out there by yourself, especially if you are a boring person.
Skill requirements – none, even a frog could snow shoe.

Second: Cross country skiing- compared to down hill skiing, even my brother can afford it. The cost of equipment is a 10th. There are no trail fees except if you run a state trail, then all you need is a proof of residence. You’ll need to have been on a fitness program for at least 7 months prior to skiing or you will not be able to move for two weeks afterward.

Lastly: Snowmobiling - Bring your Visa card that has a $45,000 limit. First you’ll need two snowmobiles at $6,000 each, a $1,500 trailer to haul them around to trails that have snow, or to the repair shop; accidents do happen. Of course you’ll need an SUV with 4 wheel drive so add another $30,000. Then there are small things like gas at $2.50 per gallon, motel rooms, meals, and bar tabs out on the trail. Better bring your wife’s Visa card as well.

I’m headed back to the shed to sort through my fishing tackle boxes

THE COLOR GREY… 1/08/06

Don’t tell me…. I know my first postings of the New Year I listed as 2005 and not 2006; none of you caught it either. Here we are in January, and as I gaze out the window over the frozen ice-covered lake all I can see are multiple shades of grey.

We live in northern Wisconsin, and our state colors are cardinal and white. I can understand white for our landscape is blanketed in the White Stuff for 6 plus months. As for the cardinal, well, these winged birds left for Miami Beach months ago and will not be seen till July.

As for sunlight, it’s all grey as clouds are the order of the day, month and season. Actually our state colors should be grey upon grey. Sure we have spring; it lasts for 6 days followed by August, our summer, followed by hunting season. So what’s there to do these long winter months?

Easy, haul in firewood, then head out to the shed and spend hours rearranging my tackle boxes. I sit at my workbench and arrange the tackle to the type of species of fish that I’ll be after come spring. Five days later I do it again as to type of fishing, night time, deep water, fly and so forth.
It’s 3 in the afternoon and the sun is setting. I can’t see it; it’s just that the light grey has become dark grey. I’ve got to light the fireplace, see you in the morning.

THE THIRTEENTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS 01/07/07

The old song goes “on the Twelfth Day of Christmas my true love make to me 12 something’s doing something.” On the 12th day Christmas is suppose to be over, period. All the decorations are to be put away till next Christmas which is December 25th. This is the day people should actual trim their trees. However, most merchants start decking the hall in late September. Ah, capitalism.

What I can’t believe is that some folks leave their twinkling lights up year round. To avoid having this stuff up and old brown trees thrown in neighbors’ back yard, how about a healthy fine for violators of the seasonal spirit? You say humbug to this idea? Think about it. It would be in the seasonal spirit of things. Here’s a better thought, let’s have another national holiday, January 7th.

It would be Untriming Day the 13th day of Christmas. Everyone would be excepted to take down all decorations, pack things away, then return all the wrong size and color Christmas presents to the mall and thereafter head to the saloon toasting good cheer. It be an epiphany.

I CAN’T HEAR U! Why isn’t my cell phone working? 1/06/06

I’ve watched in amazement the development of the electronic age. We now have this and that for everything. From 8 track cartridges in the late ’60s to cell phones that whistle Dixie, showing color pics of the person on the other end, what progress! We don’t even have to think anymore, just push buttons. But, which button? Sitting on my desk is a computer that ALMOST runs itself, it’s got a lot of buttons, and I haven’t a clue what half of them are for.

A whole new publishing industry has arisen from the advance of the high tech electronics explosion. There now is a series of black and yellow covered books written for folks like you and me. They’re called the dummy series. So when you lose your owners manual to one of your electronic gismos, i.e. your cell phone, you simply turn on your computer, go online to Yahoo or another search engine and find Barnes and Noble.com. After an hour figuring out the web site you find a listing - “Personal Survival for Dummies in the Electronic Age.” You then use your electronic credit card, which pays for the book purchase.

Five days later UPS delivers your book. It takes a day of reading and you have the answer of “how to place a call on a cell phone”. Your other way out is to give in and admit that you have not kept up in the electronic age and take the advice of your kids. You enroll in evening classes at the nearest Technical College taking Cell Phone 101. However, this is admitting defeat to the world at large, it’s the same as stopping your car at a gas station and asking for directions…
Gotta go, the phone just rang, the call ID is telling me it’s a call from Ecuador? But what button do I push?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY 1/4/05

I have two friends who are fast approaching the other end of the age spectrum, over the hill. They just can’t believe that they are not teenagers anymore, neither can I. I have known them most of my life and am amazed that they have always carried a youthful outlook.

The other day we were coming out of our favorite beer dispensary and I happened to look up and saw three figures in a car rear view mirror. The figures were hunched over, hobbling along and looked a little long in the tooth yet were laughing at one another’s jokes.

They were walking our way and seemed a little familiar. Ya, it was us in the mirror, a slap in the face. It’s really a shock to see yourself as you saw your father. I am the oldest of the three of us and now both of my friends are having birthdays this week. I have to admit I am beginning to feel a bit younger for the two of them have caught up with me age wise. Well at least for the next 7 months they’ll be the same age as yours truly.

NORTHWOOD’S WEATHER STONE 1/3/05
Speaking of rocks and stones the other day our town prophet handed me a present.
I opened the heavy package and to my joy there was a very large stone carefully wrapped in tissue. What thoughtfulness! Not that there aren’t enough rocks in Wisconsin.

Under the box lid was the explanation. This was a Northwood’s Weather Stone.
I was to place it outside our cabin in full view. Then each morning take a look at the stone before deciding if I should go out and what do and what to wear.

If the stone was dry I was OK.
If the stone was wet it was raining.
If the stone was cover with grass it was time to mow the lawn.
If the stone was white it was snowing (it’s always snowing).
If I couldn’t see the stone it was foggy.

In the two weeks I’ve had the stone in the yard, it hasn’t missed a call. Amazing!

THE RIGHT PET 1/2/05
Security in any form, most people need it. My post from several days back shows a relatively new addition to our family. It’s our security blanket. The addition was in the form of a slightly used English Springer named Katie whose always in the lake.

Some people like cats, however cats can cause watery eyes and a few other problems, like a smelly box in the corner. We went through the fish tank era at our house. First it was one tank then the kids wanted another. It was trouble enough just keeping one clean, then there was the time that the tank heater over did itself. It kind of looked like a typical Wisconsin Friday night fish fry. They were belly up and we held mass funeral. It was the kid’s first exposure to mortality.
The second was when a small kitty found it’s way to our door step.

“Dad, dad can we keep it?” asked our daughters.” What is one going to say to them, no you can’t keep that fur ball? Ya, we got attached to Buddy the cat, however nature seemed to know for our youngest had an allergy to the cat and the cat came down with something and mortality opened our door.

Next came our first Springer who for fourteen years ruled our house and raised the kids, she was boss. It was during this time that some genius came up with pet rocks. What a gem of an idea!
Very low maintenance and when the rock bits the dust, gag, you simply bury it in your rock garden and on the rock’s birthday you pay respects.

Bowling Season

BOWLIN’ 1/1/06
This may be a cardinal sin by a mature (very mature) American adult. The sin is to ask a question or two but…Do you know how many games are on TV between Thanksgiving and News Years?
Do you care? And will your answer cause elation or depression?

I was out with friends up for the holidays and we were trying to catch up with one another’s fall misadventures. We were bar hopping down town. Each bar had three or four TV’s mounted on the wall each with different football games on. It didn’t take long and we were all rubber necking trying to keep up with each game’s status.

This morning I awoke with a stiff neck and a buzz in the noggin from five or so beers. Five or so happens to be my favorite brand. For the life of me I couldn’t tell you who had played whom, which team won or lost or why each game had any effect on global warming.

All I know is that the games were played indoors or where palms trees swayed and those attending had a big smile whether their team was ahead or behind… Ah ya, it’s snowing here again today and I still haven’t fixed the snow throw, maybe tomorrow.